~model behavior~
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Burning Beautification Questions Answered
To my male readers, apologies in advance since this (like my faux purse article) might not interest you in that same burning, passionate way my usual writing about drunk women making fools of themselves does. I plan on partying in the Manhattan clubbing jungle this evening, and will hopefully procur …
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Method 3 X 1
smart women should always be dating three guys at a time.???HUH? I precariously leaned back in my chair, gripping my espresso with excitement for what my petite, spindly pal Max (MaxMara to friends) had just announced to me. ???Not only will it make you happier,??? he continued, ???but it will help …
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All Sorts of Crazy at Cipriani???s
My most inappropriate friend Bartok???s final night in New York was on Sunday, leaving me no choice but to take her to witness the infamous Sunday night karaoke at Cipriani Downtown???s upstairs private club. While we drank and put on make-up at my apartment, I attempted to prep her for what I knew …
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The Sopranos: Closer to Closure
We???re still not over the fact that Tony???s gone. We followed the show for years only to think that our cable went out in Chase???s cruel conclusion. And let???s face it, trying to replace the Sopranos with John From Cincinnati is like trying to substitute soy yogurt for Ben and Jerry???s Coffee H …
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Pink Elephant Discoveries & What I Want in Men
The gloom, rain, lightening, and summer thunder did not keep people away from Pink Elephant last night, hands down my favorite douchette location in New York. My excuse for attending this time around is that Bartok is visiting, and Pink is a good luck place for us. We???ve never had a bad, let alone …
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Last Night???s Top Ten: A Highlights Reel
Highlight #1 occurred early in the evening when Bartok and I were playing a little game I like to call ???try on every piece of clothing each of us owns at least twice.??? Being the irresponsible influence I am, I kept trying to get her into dresses that fell five inches from her waist. Finally, she …
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The Forth of July??????Be Prepared!!!???
The title of the entry is supposed to be sung. More specifically, it???s the lyrics of menacing Uncle Scar???s ballad to the hyenas in Disney???s family classic, The Lion King. If you???re too cool to admit you know every world to The Circle of Life and would like a refresher on the Be Prepared song …
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The Fake Purse: Friend or Foe?
Two weeks ago my friend Bartok directed me to this website with an email asking:???What the hell do we think of this? Too good to be true????For those of you too lazy to click on the link above, the site belongs to The Bag Addiction.com where you can get Hollywood???s hottest purses for ???very affo …
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Stuff I???m Not into Right Now???
Readers, I write this not to be negative (I???m actually in a blissfully happy mood ??? I mean it???s Friday!!!!) but so that you can strive to avoid such things. One girl???s mistake is another woman???s lesson. Here we go???1. Soy yogurt: I thought this would be a healthy ???fun??? idea (yeah, I k …
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Your Boyfriend has an Alternate Identity: Part III
LC had a standard, English name. To make this entire explanation simpler let???s use John, which is what I called LC in the comedic stage play I wrote about our relationship. When we had initially met in Capri, I had questioned him about the origin of his name. I remember it distinctly. We were in t …
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Your Boyfriend has an Alternate Identity: Part II
I gasped still attempting an air of nonchalance. ???She???s pregnant with her husband or ?????? He shook his head. ???With you.??? I stupidly finished my question and now felt as if I might throw up. LC continued to calmly sip his water. ???But she???s having taken care of,??? he said reassuringly. …
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Your Boyfriend has an Alternate Identity
Those of you who followed last month???s ???The Happiest Place on Earth??? saga will remember a man (Mr. LC ??? the Life Coach) that I met in Capri. He left the island earlier than I did for the greener pastures of Positano and I received a polite, formal text from him, which under my interpretation …
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Benefits of Being Alone
A summer weekend spent alone in Manhattan can feel depressing. The sun???s ablaze and everyone but you is frolicking and making out in grassy Central Park. It seems the whole city is relaxing in the Hamptons or their pretentious getaway location of choice. Not to worry, being a loser who failed to m …
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The Box & A Life Size Celebrity
For those of you who don???t waste your nights frolicking in New York clubland, The Box is the city???s latest and greatest exclusive, cool spot with guaranteed celebrities sightings and the most expensive bottle service in the city. I went there for the first time a few months ago with a male frie …
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Party Scars
Between the DJ???s shrieking siren-like music that depletes your hearing, the patrons cigarette smoke and the club???s fog machine which hinder your eyesight, and the mass-consumed alcohol that well, slows your brain to snail speed, I think it???s a miracle we all get home remotely intact at the end …
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A Criminal Mind: The Finale
Being an expert criminal is all about calculating risk ??? and this is exactly what I did with Milan???s public transportation system. Every time I entered the bus or subway I asked myself the percent chance a would be roaming the area. For example, if it was a Sunday, no need to buy a ticket. Same …
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A Criminal Mind: Part II
It was a sweltering July day and I merrily sauntered through a metro turn-style with my abused and invalid ticket. Suddenly, I was stopped on the other side by an intimidating-looking metro guard. ???Can I see your ticket please miss???? He asked in Italian. Uh-oh. This wasn???t going to be pretty. …
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A Criminal Mind
I once was an offender of the law, caught and fined for my crime. That???s right. It???s not something I???m proud of. I especially regret to inform you all that I was charged guilty and reprimanded not once, but twice. The victim of my criminal mind: the Milan public transportation system. I???ll e …
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New England Gangstas
Since I???m going to need some weekend time to organize my thoughts on my latest treacherous night out (it involves inappropriate behavior at a charity event at the Waldorf Astoria), compliments of Bartok and co. today I bring you this hysterical video. Basically it mocks the disgusting waspy-ness t …
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How to get EU Citizenship off the Back of a Truck: Part II
The caf?? Emilio asked me to meet him at was extremely generic, uninteresting, and practically empty. He had been so abrupt on the phone that I still had no idea if I was waiting for him inside, on the street or in his jeep. Needless to say, there aren???t many white SUV???s in Milan, so I figured I …
~model behavior~
