~model behavior~
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Swift Bar Education: Do’s and Don'ts
My efforts to check out the New York bar scene have been contained to swanky places like Sway. Realizing this wasn’t hardcore enough, I decided to double my efforts, stepping way out of my comfort zone to check out a traditional Irish pub. This is how I ended up at Swift on East 4th street between B …
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Lunch Break (Part II): Close Encounters of the Bird Kind
In my previous post, I described the less than desirable circumstances of lunch at the office with my less than desirable co-intern, Sushi Girl. The series of events led me to Bryant Park where I encountered the Bird People.Bird People appear completely normal, with the exception of their giant sign …
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The Book
Your entire approach to dating can change overnight. For me, it happened on a night like any other. I came home from work typically bedraggled and sank into my broken, once-white sofa. As I put my feet up and summoned the strength to get through the rest of the evening (cooking? television? rec …
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Lunch Break: Food Fight
I work in Midtown West, a mere five minutes from Bryant Park. These warm fall days are perfect for eating lunch in the park. Fresh air and a breather from my fellow intern, Sushi Girl, do wonders for my physical and mental health. On Wednesday, this proved truer than ever:“LOOK!” Sushi Girl waved a …
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Party. Pamper. Beautify.
Who has time to take long chunks out of their work day for necessary beauty maintenance? Not me. That’s why I always find myself bribing salon receptionists for the coveted Saturday afternoon appointment. A lengthy color treatment is now eating my weekend, but at least I’m not biting my na …
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911 & Stretching Out the Birthday
No one (especially me) is over the fact that the birthday is over and life has to now resume seeming normalcy. In an attempt to stretch out the birthday madness as long as possible, I encourage you all today to check out Ha Ha Sound???s especially humorous recap of the party.Last night, Bartok and I …
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The Birthday Recap
DISCOVERY: Plastic glasses are not champagne flutes. Despite what I wrote in jest yesterday, last night on my birthday I, a stunning model of good behavior, intended to remain cool, calm, collected and not drunk like a proper hostess my mother would be proud of. This quest was thwarted: Why? Because …
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Happy Birthday to Me
That???s right. Today???s the day. It only comes once a year. Fortunately, I???m still at an age where birthdays are an excuse for out of control fun and a lot of naughty behavior, although watching your youth further recede into the distance is never a good feeling. So what???s the plan? Bartok is …
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Agitated From Inside an Amtrak Train
So I???m sitting back and actually managing to relax on the absurdly overpriced express train from Boston back to New York when every travelers worst nightmare ??? two bleached-blonde children under the age of five are plopped down in front of me. The parents then notice I???m actually sitting at th …
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Warning: Clubbing is Addictive
I???d like to see this sign outside Manhattan???s hot-spots, something similar to the Surgeon General???s ominous warning stamp on cigarettes. Let???s analyze the New York tradition of ???going out??? in the clubbing till 4 a.m. sense of the phrase. First off, you shop for new clothes and accessorie …
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Sick Day & Euro Terror Levels
Last night I drank champagne like it was my job starting at 8 o???clock. A really BAD idea considering it was a Wednesday night. The night culminated at the center table (i.e. the table where you get wet and the performers pull you on stage and humiliate you) of The Box aka The Vortex. It???s fascin …
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My First Celebrity Crush
I???ve never understood girls fawning over actors and musicians. I???m guess I???m just way too practical. Why waste your precious seductive thoughts and energy on someone who doesn???t even know you exist? On someone you have no hope of succeeding with? The superstar is unavailable, out of your lea …
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Sharing and Caring
Whether you???ve entered into the ominous relationship or on what I call ???the cheater???s live-in relationship??? i.e. the long distance relationship, where you cohabitate during prescheduled visiting hours, you and your significant other will inevitably be forced to partake in some kindergarten- …
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Best DUI Ever
Drunk diving isn???t a laughing matter, but in this video it is. This drunk cowboy is so coordinated that the police officer can???t write him up for a DUI. Absolutely watch to the end, it???s worth it! Any of us who've taken dance classes in the past fifteen years will also appreciate this...
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Clubbing Concepts I Don???t Understand
1. Promo-Guards: What is a promotional bodyguard? I???m not an authority, but it???s a newer concept, utilized by the especially rich and douchey. Basically, it???s when some pathetic socialite / celebutant hires a bodyguard to come out with her at night ??? even though she???s not famous and no one …
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Burning Beautification Questions Answered
To my male readers, apologies in advance since this (like my faux purse article) might not interest you in that same burning, passionate way my usual writing about drunk women making fools of themselves does. I plan on partying in the Manhattan clubbing jungle this evening, and will hopefully procur …
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Method 3 X 1
smart women should always be dating three guys at a time.???HUH? I precariously leaned back in my chair, gripping my espresso with excitement for what my petite, spindly pal Max (MaxMara to friends) had just announced to me. ???Not only will it make you happier,??? he continued, ???but it will help …
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All Sorts of Crazy at Cipriani???s
My most inappropriate friend Bartok???s final night in New York was on Sunday, leaving me no choice but to take her to witness the infamous Sunday night karaoke at Cipriani Downtown???s upstairs private club. While we drank and put on make-up at my apartment, I attempted to prep her for what I knew …
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The Sopranos: Closer to Closure
We???re still not over the fact that Tony???s gone. We followed the show for years only to think that our cable went out in Chase???s cruel conclusion. And let???s face it, trying to replace the Sopranos with John From Cincinnati is like trying to substitute soy yogurt for Ben and Jerry???s Coffee H …
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Pink Elephant Discoveries & What I Want in Men
The gloom, rain, lightening, and summer thunder did not keep people away from Pink Elephant last night, hands down my favorite douchette location in New York. My excuse for attending this time around is that Bartok is visiting, and Pink is a good luck place for us. We???ve never had a bad, let alone …
~model behavior~
