Scudfish
Lists of amazing and insignificant things... and my dreams
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Words that have never been used to describe a bowel movement
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Signs that you are visiting a bad strip club
The strip clubs main attraction is Darlene from down the street from us. Most thongs are held together with duct tape and barbed wire. There are huge signs saying, Maximum 520 lbs! on the stripper poles. The most recent song played in the club is Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley. Strippers we …
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Barack Obama’s primetime television ad message
Just a few words to describe Barack Obamas 30 minutes in television ad messages will from this point on be used in all future presidential campaigns! Actually, its surprising that John McCain didnt do one himself with money saved by skipping pointless Joe the Plumber ads. Not giving Sarah Palin $150 …
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Sarah Palin’s greatest accomplishments
Heres a list of vice president hopeful Sarah Palins greatest accomplishments, in a loose timeline It should be obvious that nobody but a feeble-minded 72-year-old grandfather would consider her right for the job. She finished second in the 1994 Miss Alaska beauty pageant. She has shot and skinned h …
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Possible reasons why Sarah Palin is not releasing her medical records
They would show that she doesnt have a heart. They would show that she doesnt have a soul. They would show that she doesnt have a spine. They would show that she doesnt have a clue. They would show that baby number five, is really her daughters baby.
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Jobs I would find too exhausting
Being the mechanical bull in a Western bar. Being a tap dancer with leprosy. Being a chair at a Weight Watchers convention. Being Paris Hiltons spermicide. Being an elementary school teacher.
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Things said by politicians that should make you scared
Trust me My friends Its like socialism A plumber taught me that Hockey moms make acceptable vice presidents
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Words I would love to hear in the same sentence on CNN
John McCain + Grandpa + Scary. Sarah Palin + Intelligent + LOL. John McCain + Bombing + Civilians. Sarah Palin + Failed + Pageant Drone. John McCain + Humiliating + Loss.
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Things that John McCain is not
Responsible Picking a hockey mom and failed beauty queen as a running mate is frightening. It should be called Shock and Awe, part II. Fighter Pilot Bombing Hanoi and being shot down makes him a bomber pilot that fucked up. How many children he has killed, is unknown. Trustworthy At 72, most peop …
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Things that have been used to death in horror movies
College kids with $12,000 baggies of pot. Abandoned but fully furnished and hooked up houses. Anorexic blondes with gigantic boobs in flimsy bras. Gardening tools rusty but sharp as scalpels. Masks that not even Superman could see anything through.
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Second fastest is still fast enough
Firefox- For people to whom second fastest is still fast enough.
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People want to cut themselves
Melancholy- It makes some people want to cut themselves another piece of cheesecake.
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Right over there
The kitchen - Its right over there.
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Should have worn it
Ski mask - Should have worn it.
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Your mission statement
Upper management - They wrote your mission statement.
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Wild imagination
Beauty - It is only a paper bag, a bottle of tequila and a wild imagination away. .
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Need our encouragement
Wall Street - They need our encouragement.
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Not there any more
Kansas - Shes not there any more.
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More obvious than others
Choices - Some are more obvious than others.
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Money for other cool stuff
McDonalds Value Meal - Saves you money for other cool stuff.
Scudfish
