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Sea Kittens: It’s What’s for Dinner
Sea Kittens? Sea Kittens? Was this some adorable, cuddly creature Id somehow missed? I started to get excited, but then I pawsed. I had a purrmonition something was amiss. Furtunately, I followed my instincts and hunted down the truth. Its a plot I mean marketing campaign by PETA to make fish too cu …
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Gift Cards I Really Want
The holidays are over. Gift cards litter the landscape like suicidal bankers. But I started thinking. Why stop with simple consumer goods? Why settle for another Amazon or iTunes card? Here are a few others Id like to see:
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New Year’s Dissolutions
For as long as I can remember my family has celebrated New Years Day with deadly sins: Sloth and Gluttony. There may have been others, but they kept it from us kids. We even call it The Day of Sloth and Gluttony, or S&G Day. Our family are the high priests of S&G, but all seekers are welcome …
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Erev Xmas
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house kids were hyperventilating. They were small and their little skins were hardly up to the task of containing the enormous fizzing excitement of a Christmas that seemed simultaneously imminent and maddeningly remote. As a distraction, I decided …
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Neither snow nor…
Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. Do you hear me, Redmond couriers? Wheres the mail? Hmmm? Snow is on the no stay list. Im just saying. Snow did not stay us. We walked two miles through the lovely snow to the m …
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I was promised at least 6 inches
Of snow. On Wednesday. We watched the windows all day. Not a flake. One of my fathers jokes: Snowfall is like a one night stand: You never know how many inches youre going to get or how long its going to last. But thats an old peoples joke. Now we have the National Weather Service. We have Doppler r …
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Eight Crazy Latkes
Latkes are made from potatoes. Potatoes. Let me say it again, in case you missed it: Po. Tay. Toes. Its a tradition! Without it, Id feel as shaky as as Then I saw this. Eight different latke recipes. One for each day of Hanukkah. Potato, of course. Salmon. Zucchini. Banana. Creamy Lemon. Chocolate. …
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Fluffy Pillow of Falsehood
Overheard in New York has nothing on Overheardinmyfamily. I can only imagine what a person passing by would make of overheard bits of the odd and rambling exchanges that pass for normal chat around here. I take that back. Odd and rambling is entirely inadequate to describe conversations that have pr …
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Too Hip to Crotch Walk
I suspect Overheard In New York is playing games with us. Twice in one day they tossed out the term crotch walk. My natural assumption was that even though Id never heard it, if I were to ask my kids theyd roll their eyes so far back in their heads they could watch their hair grow from the inside, s …
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No Twine For Me
Its an odd, almost dreamlike experience to ride in a car wedged into the cargo area between a mattress and the door with no view but straight up at a sliver of sky. The sky is brilliant blue with streaks of foamy white swirled through it as if by the hand of some meteorological barista. Occasionally …
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Lamaze for Home Decorating
Mazel tov! You are entering a new phase of your lives. You must be very excited. All the planning, waiting and preparation are nearly over and soon you will be welcoming a bundle of new carpet into your home. There are a few things you should know for when the big day arrives. So many people dive in …
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Levitation. Please.
Ive been avoiding writing about this. I dont want to seem ungrateful. I am profoundly grateful that I have a job and a home and the wherewithal to recarpet it. I just wish I didnt actually have to live through the recarpeting part. At nine a.m. in the morning, Hell comes knocking at the door. Carryi …
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Bah! Humboob!
The official holiday shopping season is upon us, such as it is this year. This story in the Seattle PI amused me: In hard times, nostalgic toys strike a chord NEW YORK Counting dollars this holiday season, Tom De Santes wants to avoid buying high-priced techno gadgets as gifts for his two sons. In …
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Cream in my coffee
I know Ive been writing about food a lot lately. I am a woman of strong appetites and the urge is especially potent this time of year. After all, why stop with just one when multiples are on the table? Let me squeeze out one more for you: Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes What cou …
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Poetry in Bacon
Too much bacon? Is it even possible? Apparently, it is. Behold the Turbaconducken! I wonder why they didnt deep fry it? OK, the outside looks tolerable, but I dont even want to think about the gelatinous swamp of fat that poured out of the murky interior. My 22-year-old-bacon-loving sons response: 7 …
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Ashes to Ashes, Lunch to…
True story, though details have been changed at the request of the parties involved. A friend of mine loves sailing. He has a part-time share in a lovely sailboat and takes it out on the least provocation. No occasion is so trivial or insignificant that its not worth heading out to the marina. So it …
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Quantum of Evil
Spoiler alert. If you have not seen the new James Bond movie, you may want to wait on this. Quantum: The smallest discrete amount of any quantity. I have nothing against Daniel Craig. Sadly. (Ive made my husband a deal: For Christmas this year he can have Olga Kurylenko, provided I get equal time wi …
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Full Beaver Moon
This isnt what youre thinking. Sorry. This time of year is heavy with celebrations. They make the passage of time significant and connect one persons experience to anothers. Easy-peasy for the religious. A little harder for atheists. What marks lifes transitions? What makes one day different from th …
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I’m feeling better already
I am so pleased that the Brits have devised a way to end disease. Bear with me. In the news: Some local councils say using Latin is elitist and discriminatory, because some people might not understand it. This includes etc., via, versus etc. I mean, and so on. (BTW, discriminatory is of Latin origin …
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Top Ten Reasons to Vote… for my cat
Its Tuesday, November 4th. The day weve been wait to be over with for the past year. Maybe the last eight years. This new entry to the race is coming in a bit late, but thats how cats are. They do what they want when they want. And isnt that what were all about as a nation? Here they are: The Top Te …
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