L u n a t a l k
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…Like a Startled Fawn
Ideally, a book should last as long as a flight. Air travel is so very nearly intolerable that to have to endure it straight up is beyond contemplation. Im too cheap to pay airline prices for booze, so books it is. Tragically, the book I brought wrapped up leaving several hours of sky time dangling …
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South and East
Let the drinking begin. Last week it was a visit with my in-laws in Southern California, this week its a visit with my own family - parents, two sisters and their families - in Cashiers, North Carolina (apparently pronounced CASHers by the locals). It hasnt gotten off to a bad start. Last night foun …
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Keep it Sizzlin’
Somehow I have fallen into a bacon vortex. I rarely ever eat the stuff, but no bacon product can hit the market without someone thinking of me. Usually I post out of horrified fascination, but in this case there is an odd confluence of bacon horror and sexual delight thats so perverse its setting up …
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Bang
Bangs: According to etymology scholar Robert Barnhart, the term is strictly American in origin (the Brits call it fringe) first surfacing in 1878. It was believed influenced by the adverbial use of bang in the meaning of abruptly, as in hair cut bang off; some sources offer a relation to earlier …
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Patchwork
Families are pieced together in different ways, some harmonious, some in vivid contrast. Often the seams are strained to breaking, but hopefully the stitches hold fast. Ive been fortunate, both in my own family and in the family I married into. We may not see them often, but when we do its good, tho …
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Snarkfree Sailing
Ive been trying to think of the wry angle on this, but I dont think its susceptible to snark. This was just one of those bucket list experiences you want to soak up and remember for the rest of your life. Ill save the snark for something else and let the pictures do most of the talking. We flew down …
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South and West
On the road again. I could try to make a full blog devoted to whining about air travel but it would get tiresome. We flew Southwest Airlines, which is somewhat famous for its humorous flight attendant announcements. We were treated to a hysterical one several years ago that included the information …
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It was like a car wreck
I couldnt look away. Ive been gagging over the photoblog This is Why Youre Fat all morning and there seems to be no end to the horrors people are willing to unleash on their gastrointestinal systems We tend to think that massive quantities of bad food wolfed down on the go is a recent development, …
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Fugitive Pubes
The government apparently doesnt think we have the wits to be allowed free access to our own genitalia. In New Jersey, the State Board of Cosmetology is moving toward a ban on Brazilian waxing. They may have a point about the general state of American wits, but this is an intrusion into forbidden te …
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My Favorite Nipple
Dave Barry said it best: Probably nothing wrong is the leading cause of health care in America today. I dont like to complain. Well, OK, I do. But I am thankful for good health and good insurance. Blah blah blah. However there are certain events that toss one in the grinding maw of health care and o …
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Surviving the Recession Through Denial
Obama and crew have dumped a great, steaming heap of a stimulus package on a bewildered nation. Will it work? Who knows? There may be a pony in there somewhere, but most of us are unwilling to don the mucking boots and dig. If they want me to swallow it, its going to take a pretty special shovel. As …
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Tips n’ Tricks, Mr. Obama
This article in the New York Times shared the odd little low-tech fixes people have come up with for high tech problems. Things like extending the range of your remote car key by touching the key to your head while clicking (try it - your head becomes a poor but functional antenna) or eking a few mo …
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Eso si que es
First a rant. Then a joke. Whats the deal with womens socks these days? (she said in her best Seinfeld whine.) I figured I could pick up a pack of regular athletic socks at Costco the other day. There was an entire sock AISLE, so plenty to choose from, right? Wrong. Apparently the Costco sock gods h …
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Fred Scores
As we were driving out for our St. Valentines Day massacre, we passed a house where the yard was festooned with masses of tiny red lights. There was a big heart with FRED + STEPH in the middle of it. I was tempted to grouse at this further evidence of an irritating trend which can only end in the pu …
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I will NOT go out on Valentine’s Day
I will NOT go out on Valentines Day I will NOT go out on Valentines Day I will NOT go out on Valentines Day Only 97 to go. Why did I even want to? I guess its part of the idealistic romantic dream, but for some reason restaurants dont seem to be able to deliver on it. I hesitate to name this particu …
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My Life at First Try
Ive just finished a book Id like to recommend: My Life at First Try: A Novel by Mark Budman. I dislike Mark Budman. He writes the kind of light, lean, witty, poignent prose I kept wishing Id written. If he were to read my blog hed probably take me to task for overwriting and Id deserve it. Oh well, …
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Trading cactus for coffee
Im heading home and feeling lucky so far. I needed to be at the Phoenix airport right about the time the nearly victorious Arizona Cardinals were due in from Tampa. I was in Atlanta the year the nearly victorious Braves went from “worst to first.” The entire city was insane. Even smallish businesses …
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The Natives are Restless
My parents have lived the gypsy life for some dozen or so years, perpetually roaming North America in their ginormous RV, Roadzilla. There’s not a museum or roadside attraction they have not seen. Then Arizona lured them to put down a tentative root. They now have a “park model” in Mesa, Arizona. A …
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Flying to Phoenix
I am not a frequent flyer. Maybe a few times a year. The gaps are just long enough that each flight brings fresh humiliation and deprivation but not quite long enough that the memories of previous humiliations and deprivations have faded. Think about your life right now. Whatever aches, pains, irrit …
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Flying to Dreamland
By the time I get to Phoenix I’ll be irritated at US Air, but more about that later. I had a vivid dream the night before. I rarely remember more than snippets of my dreams – and what I do remember is typical dreamcrap not worth wasting brain cells on. But every now and a vivid one hits and stays wi …
L u n a t a l k
