The Onion - Photos
Images from The Onion -- America's Finest News Source
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Kyle Boller Asks Center To Stop Snapping Ball So Hard
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Raiders Achieve First Down
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJIn an improbable display of competence and a basic execution of football fundamentals, the Oakland Raiders stunned the...
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Report: Majority Of Newspapers Now Purchased By Kidnappers To Prove Date
Print journalism owes its solvency to the loyal hostage-takers still paying cover price.
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Frowning Michelle Obama To Be Printed On All Fast Food Containers
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If God Had Wanted Me To Be Accepting Of Gays, He Would Have Given Me The Warmth And Compassion To D …
I don't question God. The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall put none above Him. Which is why I know that if it were part of God's plan for me to...
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Sotomayor Misses Supreme Court Case After Failing To Get Out Of Jury Duty
Sotomayor sits through hours of "boring-ass testimony from some stupid witness" Monday.
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Cheering Crowd Actually Trying To Get Attention Of Guy Behind Iron Maiden
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Community Gives Up Following Tragedy
FORT SCOTT, KSIn the wake of a car accident that claimed the lives of four promising high schoolers, Fort Scott mayor Thomas Dietrich told...
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God Introduces New Bird
God attends the launch of the new bird (inset).
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Our Own Patrick Kehoe Writes Another Signature Patrick Kehoe Article That Can't Be Described In Jus …
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My Mistress Makes The Best Potato Salad
There's nothing I enjoy more than the creamy, tangy taste of a homemade potato salad. "Heaven in a Bowl," I like to call it. I've been a fool for...
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Tom Brady Clearly Receiving Preferential Treatment From NFL
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ESPN Completely Misses Brett Favre Vs. Green Bay Packers Storyline
BRISTOL, CTIn what is being called the biggest gaffe in the sports network's 30-year history, ESPN totally forgot to cover last week's...
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Obama: Health Care Plan Would Give Seniors Right To Choose How They Are Killed
The president vows to systematically eliminate all American seniors in a manner of their choosing by 2011.
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Looks Like We Got Ourselves A Regular Nobel Prize-Winning Physicist Douglas Osheroff On Our Hands
Hey, check out the "professor" over here. "Oh, the beer at this party isn't very cold," he says. Well, now, aren't we just a regular expert in...
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Japanese Businessman Found Hiding On Golf Course Thinks Mid-'80s Economic Boom Still Going On
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Looks Like We Got Ourselves A Regular Nobel Prize–Winning Physicist Douglas Osheroff On Our Hands
Hey, check out the "professor" over here. "Oh, the beer at this party isn't very cold," he says. Well, now, aren't we just a regular expert in...
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Struggling Museum Now Allowing Patrons To Touch Paintings
Met officials feel that a few smudged or punctured O'Keeffes are a small price to pay for renewed interest in the arts.
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Unstoppable Killing Machine Out Of Toner
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Husband Still Faithful After 42 Years Of Trying To Cheat
Schneider and the woman who would have almost certainly left him had he not failed at infidelity.
The Onion - Photos
