Yahoo! News: Humor
Humor
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In a Fix (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - One of the great things about living in an old house is that things are always breaking down in new and interesting ways. A part of me wonders, once in a while, where I might be in life if I hadn't spent so many hours repairing, patching, scraping, painting and hammering away at our ho …
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New Year, Same Me (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - For a lot of people, the week between Christmas and New Year's is a pleasant respite from all the stress and anxiety that haunts them the other 51 weeks of the year.
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Have Yourself a Secret Little Christmas (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - We started doing the whole "Secret Santa" thing about 10 years ago, when our kids got old enough to start buying presents for one another. Knowing that in the end, my wife and I would be responsible for purchasing each and every gift they gave each other, we limited it to one gift for …
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Gift of the Manguys (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - We are now in the middle of the most stressful period of the year for your average American husband. It's the month when men are forced to wander the malls aimlessly, looking for something, anything, they can put under the tree on Christmas morning that will meet their spouse's expecta …
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Tales of Shocking Canine Behavior (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - Every once in a while, I come across a horror movie about a storybook American family who adopts a cute kid, and the kid turns out to be the devil.
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Must Not See TV (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - The other week, I was walking past the living room when I heard my wife and daughters screaming. I ran into the room to see what was going on, glanced at the TV and realized it was time for their weekly dose of "Untold Stories of the ER." I tried to leave, but my wife grabbed me by the …
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The Fryday Before Thanksgiving (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - For years now, each fall as Thanksgiving approaches, my wife has been suggesting that we dispense with the time-honored tradition of wives cooking huge meals in the kitchen while husbands wander around the house aimlessly looking for something to do but never actually saying, "Is there …
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Shop Till You Drop (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - I haven't kept an exact count over 25 years of marriage, but I'm pretty sure if you added up all the time I've spent at the mall, hour upon hour of standing around idly in the dress or shoe department while my wife browsed through the sale racks, holding up items and asking me what I t …
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Hugs and Kisses (Andy Borowitz)
Andy Borowitz - My father is taller than I am. I take after my mother, who is descended from a long line of tiny people who were bred by German royalty to climb into tunnels to hunt rodents. This means it's awkward to hug my father — but it was always awkward, because we're from the part of …
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Do We Really Need a Mom-in-Chief? (Andy Borowitz)
Andy Borowitz - America is cheering for Michelle Obama, the self-declared "mom-in-chief." She's checking out D.C. schools; she's making sure she's home for the girls' bedtime; she's doing everything but putting on puppet shows with lonely goatherds who yodel.
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An Hour to Kill (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - I savor it more than any day of the year. It's the last weekend in October, when we get to set our clocks back one whole hour. It's like the federal government gives every citizen one whole hour to do nothing at all. I know, of course, that come spring, they're going to take that hour …
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Failure to Blow Election Stuns Democratic Party Faithful Mourn End to Losing Tradition (Andy …
Andy Borowitz - Just minutes after their party's longstanding losing tradition lay in tatters on the ground, millions of shell-shocked Democrats stared at their television screens in disbelief, asking themselves what went right. For Democrats, who have become accustomed to their party blowing an el …
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Paddiddle! Bam! Owwww! (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - The pointless game started years and years ago when our oldest boys, now out on their own, were little. We'd be driving along at night when, all of a sudden, a car would come the other way, one headlight burned out, and a boy would shout, at the top of his lungs, "PADIDDLE!" and punch …
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BY ANDY BOROWITZ (Andy Borowitz)
Andy Borowitz - After the success of Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama's 30-minute infomercial Thursday night, the Obama campaign has confirmed that he will produce another one, this time to unveil a new breakthrough in exercise technology that will guarantee all Americans "sexy, rock-har …
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For Whom the Bell Tolls (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - Early last year, our new 27-inch HDTV broke after only 11 months. (Twenty-seven inches might be pathetic compared to what you have in your house, but it was my pride and joy. Were our house to catch on fire, and I had to decide which to save, the dog or the TV, I pray the dog would be …
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Tips for a Thrifty Halloween (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - This past week, as I sipped my coffee, a segment came on my morning TV show telling parents how to cut back on Halloween expenses in these hard economic times.
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McCain Holds Auditions for Angry Mob (Andy Borowitz)
Andy Borowitz - Open Casting Call for Irate White People
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Odor in the House (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - For years, we have dealt with all kinds of pestilence around our house. We've had mice, thousand leggers, bats, earwigs and spiders (so many spiders, in fact, that I have developed the habit of holding my arms out as I pass through doorways. Spiderwebs, it turns out, taste terrible). I …
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Palin Blasts Obama's Ties to Weather Channel (Andy Borowitz)
Andy Borowitz - "Palling Around with Meteorologists," Guv Claims
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Politics as Usual (Peter McKay)
Peter McKay - We're now smack dab in the middle of one of the most aggravating and stressful periods we're going to experience for a while. I'm not talking about the financial crisis, or the gas crisis or even a midlife crisis. No, I'm talking about the fall election campaign.
Yahoo! News: Humor
