Animal Jokes, Humor and Satire
Animal Jokes, Humor and Satire
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Seeing Eye Dogs
There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman says to his friend, "Lets go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We cant go in there. Weve got dogs with us."The buddy …
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Barking Dog
Jonathan who is noted for his tact was awakened one morning at four oclock by his ringing telephone."Your dogs barking, and its keeping me awake," said an irate voice.Jonathan thanked the caller and politely asked his name before hanging up.The next morning at four oclock, Jonathan called …
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Disapearing Cat
A lady in New York had a beautiful black cat, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night.One cool October evening, he disappeared. The lady searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, the cat reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured hes been out sowi …
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Where do pets come from
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to, "Where do pets come from said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I dont see you anymore. Im lonesome here and its difficult for me to remember how much you love me."And God …
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The Winner
There was this little old lady who was nearly blind and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.So Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included …
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This Parrot has Been Arround
This housewife got tired of being alone every day since her husband was at work and her three daughters were in school, so she decided to get a pet to keep her company. She walks into the local pet store and explains her situation to the clerk and tells him that she wants a talking parrot.The clerk …
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High Vet Bill
A man runs into the vets office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly …
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Attitude
An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boys hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black make up around his eyes. The old man just stared at him. With an attitude, the boy said, "Whats the matter, o …
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Ugly Lady
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she sees the same parrot and it says to her, " …
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Costly Parrot
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was hi …
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More Dog One Liners
Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it wont buy the wag of his tail.When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.Ive been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.They have dog food for co …
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Dog One Liners
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!Life is like a dogsled team. If you aint the lead dog, the scenery never changes.There are three faithful friends--an old wife, an old dog and ready money.The other d …
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The Plumber
A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten oclock. Ten oclock came and went; no plumber; eleven oclock, twelve oclock, one oclock; no plumber.She concluded he wasnt coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.He knocked on the door; the ladys …
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Flying
Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says t …
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Very Smart Dog
A woman went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. Aft …
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Don't Talk To The Parrot
Mrs. Johnson phoned the plummer because her dishwasher quit working. He couldnt accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "Ill leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and Ill mail you a che …
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Jesus Is Watching You
A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage. He aske …
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The Atheist
An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to loo …
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Cross-eyes Rotweiler
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dogs cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "lets have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "Im going to have to put him dow …
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Rabitt And The Snake
A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other. The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit. He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cot …
Animal Jokes, Humor and Satire
