Animal Jokes, Humor and Satire
Animal Jokes, Humor and Satire
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Two Horses
A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "whats the matter?"The fellow replies, "well Ive got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I cant tell them apart. I dont know if Im mixing up riding times or even feeding them the righ …
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A turkey was talking to a bull
A turkey was talking to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I just havent got the energy.""Well, why dont you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "Theyre packed with nutrients."The turkey pec …
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Where were you?
Once upon a time there was a stork family, daddy stork, mommy stork and baby stork.One evening daddy stork didnt show up for dinner. Mommy stork and baby stork waited up for him but he didnt come home at all that night.When daddy stork finally came home the next day, baby stork asked, "Daddy st …
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Talking Dog
A man sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."He knocks on the door and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.The guy goes into the backyard and sees a mutt just sitting there."Can you talk?" he asks."Yes," the mutt replies."So, whats your …
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Meeting Up With A Lion
"I came face to face with a lion once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a gun." "What did you do could I do? First, I tried looking straight into his eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer. I had to think fast.""How did y …
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Mule Raffle
On Monday Fred, an old country farmer, bought a mule from Luke, another old farmer, for $100. Luke promised to deliver the mule the next day.On Tuesday Luke drove up and said, "Sorry, Fred, but I have some bad news. The mule died."Fred: Well, then, just give me my money back.Luke: Cant do …
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Talented Dog
A talent scout is walking down the street and comes across a man and his dog. The little dog is singing. He has a lovely voice and the talent scout says, "Come to my office. I want to sign you and this marvelous dog to a contract. This dog can make us both rich." The man brings his little …
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Three Legged Chicken
A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 miles per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged chicken running at the same speed beside his truck.Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldnt cause an accident with the chicken.The man sped up to 55 miles per hour, but …
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That's Nothing
A young boy was living with his mother, as his parents had divorced. One Sunday, she decided to take him to the zoo for the first time in his life. As they passed the various assortment of animals, she would tell the little boy what they were called and make him repeat it. After the lions, gorillas, …
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Speeding Goat
Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they cant see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, thats …
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Christmas Parott
A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.The store manager tells him he has just what hes looking for; a beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet cert …
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Cats Are Similar To Teenagers
1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an …
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Metting Up With A Lion
"I came face to face with a lion once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a gun." "What did you do could I do? First, I tried looking straight into his eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer. I had to think fast.""How did y …
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Esso Gas Station
There was a crowd of bees flying around one day. These bees were most peculiar. They were powered by gasoline, rather than the allergenic goodies that bees usually eat. As the crowd flew along, periodically a bee or two would start to sputter; it would fly down to a gas station, drink up the gas spi …
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Talking Centipede
A man decides that he wants a pet, but not just any pet, a really unusual pet. He walks into the pet store and goes up to the service assistant. "Excuse me, I want a pet, but not just any pet, a really unusual pet".The service assistant says "I have just the thing for you, its a talki …
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Two Roaches
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "Its so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--its so sanitary that …
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Odd Funeral
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Beh …
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You Are A Dog Person If #3
Every time you read the name Bob, you think the guys first name is Best of Breed. Your house isnt carpeted - the fuzzy furballs under your feet are soft enough .Your hungry hubby comes home from work, lifts the cover of the pan on the stove and says, "Is this people food or dog food?" At y …
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You Are A Dog Person If #2
Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy lumber and build her a small staircase so she can climb onto the bed by herself. You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to your dog. You lecture people on responsible dog ownership every chance you get. You keep an extra water dish in your second …
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You Are A Dog Person If #1
You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard, but no small children. Lintwheels are on your shopping list every week. You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the house, but no babies. The trash basket is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink, to keep the do …
Animal Jokes, Humor and Satire
